Indian culture: Why don't we refer elders by 'first name'?

There is an unspoken sociocultural norm in Indian society of not referring elders (at home or outside) by their first name, which was obvious until the last decade.

Instead, we defined the relationship and referred to a person accordingly, for example, didi for elder sister, bhabhi (Ji) for an elder sister-in-law, aunty (Ji)...and the same followed outside the home. “Sir,” “Mr.,” “ma’am,” or “Mrs.” were used in professional circle. However, these things slowly started fading, especially in the professional environment. Elders suddenly started feeling “young” or “modern” with the new mantra “Please call me by ‘my first name’ or ‘oh, don’t call me ‘bhabi’”, or “oh, it is so old fashioned.” On other hand, youngsters felt it was “cool.” Well, instead of asking for person's comfort, most assumed new norms are acceptable and conveniently started ignoring the old customs.

As a matter of fact, our culture had lots of scientific reasons behind most of the practices that are followed. In modern terms, there is “a relationship science” behind it that actually facilitates speakers to sync their “thinking,” “feelings,” and “speech” based on the relationship (“Didi” is closer to “bhabi.”). This way, it results in creating the required “harmony,” “respect,” and “love” in the relationship. Until the eighties, most would follow and insist the same for their kids. Now, “modern” parents neither prefer to follow nor teach the same, and later, we expect them to respect the elderly. Is this possible?

Wouldn’t it be nicer if we, as parents, set an example by not referring to elders by their first names, unless the person insists otherwise? Ladies and gents, “getting old” is a privilege; do it gracefully by accepting the respect from youngsters and reciprocate the same with your love. Youngsters, please remember that respecting others will not diminish your “self-respect,” but surely increase it in some way.

This is not primitive thinking but already mentioned in some of the modern psychological and behavioral theories. It is also a lightly mentioned transaction analysis in “social ego” by the well-known American psychiatrist Eric Berne and elsewhere in other forms.

#India #IndianCulture #Hindu #Hinduism #SandhyaJane